"A Car as Collateral"
A Russian businessman walks into a
Swiss bank in Geneva and asks for a $100 loan. He offers his luxury
Mercedes car as collateral. The collateral is too good, and the bank
manager approves the loan. A year later, the Russian comes back. He
repays the loan and the 10% interest and is ready to collect his car.
Finally, the puzzled bank manager dares to ask him: "Excuse me, sir,
could you tell me: did you really need that $100 so badly? In order to
get the money, you left your luxury car with us for a whole year!" The
Russian replied, "That's simple – just
think outside the box: where else in
Geneva can I find such a great parking place for just $10 a year?"
Owl and the Field Mouse Story"
A little field-mouse
was lost in a dense wood, unable to find his way out. He came upon a wise
old owl sitting in a tree. "Please help me, wise old owl, how can I get out
of this wood?" said the field-mouse.
"Easy," said the owl,
"Grow wings and fly out, as I do."
"But how can I grow
wings?" asked the mouse.
The owl looked at him
haughtily, sniffed disdainfully, and said, "Don't bother me with the
details, I only advise on strategy."
"What God Looks Like"
A kindergarten teacher
was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She
walked around to look at the artwork. As she got to one little girl who
was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm
The teacher paused and
said, "But no one knows what God looks like.
Without missing a beat,
or looking up from her drawing the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I
have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're
prostitutes. 'Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I
have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to
my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I
taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to
stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to
praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots
to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and
praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the
male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to
have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male
parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been
A woman goes into a funeral home to make
arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she
wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.
He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury
him in the black suit that he's wearing?"
But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check
to buy one.
When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and
he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she
loves the suit and asks how much it cost.
He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything.
The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was
brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about
the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her
husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her.
So... I switched the heads."
"Knowing Where To Kick"
A car mechanic is called in after every other mechanic failed. He
listens to the engine for a few minutes, then hauls off and gives it a
big swift kick in a certain strategic spot. Lo and behold, the engine
starts humming like a kitten. The mechanic turns around, gives the car
owner his bill for $400. The owner is flabbergasted and demands an
itemized breakdown AND EXPLANATION.
The bill says...
'$1 for my time, and $399 for
knowing where to kick.'
at a Time"
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this
problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts
never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at
least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I
was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and
come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she
says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts...
although still silent... stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared
up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."